Our family had been on the homeschooling journey for years. Neither my husband nor I had experience with homeschooling when we felt led to look into the option. We had friends at church that were homeschooling their kids, and before we had our son we recognized there was something interesting and attractive to us about their schooling choice.
I had been educated in public schools before heading to a four year university. My husband had been educated in a private school before he headed off to college where his father and his father’s father had both attended. Schooling was an important thing in our families. Then God highlighted these families that had done a different thing that we were not at all familiar with and He gave us a curiosity. We went to a conference. One. And we knew it was God’s choice for our family.
He blessed us with wonderful guidance, wisdom, support, open doors to choices we made and eventually a curriculum and community that met our needs. While we didn’t always see things the same way, my husband and I remained committed to the decision and the process.
It was on one of these occasions that we weren’t in agreement that I began to wonder about my ability. My husband had said something about his goal for our son was excellence in schooling and I immediately felt the strive for perfectionist of my growing up and young adulthood go into a panic. It was with this feeling of being judged not enough that I went to the Lord with this question, “What do you say about excellence Lord?”
God (G) – I designed you. I created you, uniquely, for exciting challenges and adventures. I don’t test for a grade. I want to know your heart. You were created with the end in mind. Uniquely and beautifully created for this. You are exactly who I had in mind.
Beth (B) – For what Lord?
G – Patience love. The becoming is worthy. The becoming is “enough”. The who you are, is as important to me as the whose you are.
B – There is a ‘yes but’ in my spirit.
G – Enough. Always enough. Never ever not enough. Always and more than enough.
B – Ok, what? What does this all mean?
G – I am glad you are with me and it is enough to just be, be still and know that I Am God (Psalm 46:10), I AM.
B – for excellence? What does it mean?
G – I am. You are not I Am.
B – So?
G – Stop. Just Be – Keep being with me. Let’s be together. Let’s be.
B – Apply this to my serving you as a mom, wife, child, sister.
G – You are enough with me. Just be with me and let me do the heavy lifting. Pray. Pray fervently and watch, see what I do. You will look back and laugh at your trying and my doing. (For the record, He was right, I am laughing later).
B – Ok. Application?
G – Just stop. Stop trying to be. Just enjoy… encouraging, loving, playing, talking, studying, reading, relaxing, and exercising. Stop trying, just be.
B – Ok. Show me what that looks like.
G – Ask me and I will tell you. Just breathe.
B – When it is frustrating?
G – Yes.
B – Confusing?
G – Yes
B – Maddening? Heartbreaking? Disappointing? Discouraging? Hard?
G – Yes. All of it. Give that all to me. Letting go. It is not giving up. It is trusting me for your best. For excellence. I am wholly and completely focused on you becoming the Beth I conceived and in spite of the bumps, you are on the road with me. That is a victory and we are moving forward to the prize of your true self, fully redeemed, fully refined, fully and beautifully you, but the story is not brilliant by your trying or striving, it is brilliant because you are and I am and you breathe and rest and allow – you are and I am – it works so well.
I work and you are
I love and you are
I laugh and you are
I reside and you are
I replenish and you are
I restore and you are
I relish and you are
I respond and you are
I declare and you are
I redeem and you are
I Am and you are
B – And?
G – And I love you – as you are, who you are, what you are. I love you. You are perfectly chosen for my glory in the lives of all. I am – all your heart desires, really and truly – just rest, breathe and be – I Am.
B – Is there more?
G – Often. Meet me often. I love our time. I love your voice. I love your thoughts. I love your heart. Don’t be cautious. Be and I Am. I am protecting you, covering you and waiting for you to be with me, just like this.
B – Really? It’s enough?
G – Certainly. It is enough. I Am.
Excerpt from Loving and Faithful