It was a question for my son. We had struggled toward the end of his school day and as I walked I thought. But wait. While I was focused on his behavior, you focused me on mine.
Beth (B) – What God? What looks best to you: What do you want me focusing on? And dear Lord, where are all the places you see me giving my least or minimum or checking a box instead of giving my best. I feel the sinister tangle of my heart wrestling with the question. I want to say I gave you, God, my very best but did I? And what does that look like today anyway? My day is at home. My day is schooling with my son, being available when he needs me, comings and goings with my husband, taking care of house and home – some dishes, some meals, some straightening, some housework. But what really is your agenda today and your way in this seemingly unimportant routine? What really matters to you God? I feel. Ugh. That is dangerous. I know. You ask me to have my eyes on you, to be in praise and thankfulness. To see with your eyes. To love – to lead with love – there’s a tricky stretch, Lord. Help me to lead with love in all the bits of my day. To be available and not be hurried or rushed, distracted or impatient, uninterested or judgmental. Ugh. All the nuance of mess that I keep under the surface but I know it’s there in the tension and jumble of thoughts and feelings and you know it’s there because you see my heart and know my thoughts. I desire your way and yet I tread on thin ice attempting to dance it out just right and then it all snags into a mess. So – how do you value meals and cleanup and home and…
God (G) – It’s peace and joy and love and safety and provision. It’s the nest. It’s important.
B – And all the being available. Feeling like I am waiting and not on point.
G – It is a lie. You are being available and setting aside self for others. That is a big deal to me.
B – I want to do it in peace and joy, not resentment or feeling like I waste time or days. I want to be thankful that I have the luxury of time and the intimate, gentle sway of knowing my role in guiding and leading. I want to feel the value of keeping our home well and filling our bellies well and having comfortable places to enjoy.
G – My eye on you never ceases. Relax. You can rest in me. Fear drives you – let faith in me overtake you. Choose faith. It is more than enough. Relish and enjoy the bits. So much is written – stay in my words and allow the bread of life to fill you. It is enough. Let me judge. You relax. I am pleased – beyond pleased – that you choose to set aside the lesser things and spend your days in love – on your family in practical ways – your time that you give selflessly. You race after their hearts and not your own desires. I wired you for this and it is good. Relax. Your measuring tape is off if it isn’t with me. Let me measure and weigh. You be you and relax. Let me be me in you. It is different every day and watch and see what we get to do together. I am calling you to trust me more.
Trust me more in the places that feel prickly.
Trust me more in your day.
Trust me more in your words, your thoughts, your actions.
Relax and trust me.
Stop coming up with ideas.
Start asking me sooner what I see, what I think, what my idea is – I have good ones and I want to share.
I hear your thanks.
I hear your praise.
I hear your prayers.
Relax. Stop working and start resting more – it is the way to cease the storm. It is the way to bring peace. It is the way to lead with love. This is not a do thing, this is a be still and know thing. You know me and my ways. Expect more. Expect surprises. Expect new and expect overwhelming love, joy, peace, laughter, fun, excitement.
I am glorified in what I have for you and I am on purpose in all my ways – Relax and know more deeply I AM.
B – Thank you Lord.
Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT) When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self –control.
Excerpt from Loving and Faithful