Beth (B) – I went to journals – all out all over – found 08-09 – you know – (but) I was confused – thinking time before CO move but it was what you said – the transition – finding house, church…I want to go slow and hear from you this morning. What Lord?
God (G) – The jumble is on purpose with me. I want you to see and know how far you have come in so much. I want you to breathe in marriage and schooling and raising Cole – it is beautiful. Your health and mindset on me. You have trusted me so deeply in so much and it is good. Stay with me –
B – Yes Lord
G – (Are you willing to) Lay it down?
B – What Lord?
G – The book – stop doing your way and listen to my way – easy peasy. 1-2-3- super simple, super fun –
B – Ok Lord – I do – I want it your way – that feels easy. Your way. Show me your way –
G – sit, listen, write
B – Yes Lord.
G – Bread for my people. I want them to be fed.
B – Yes Lord.
G – Help me feed them.
B – Yes Lord.
G – Encourage, trust, smile, laugh, love
B – Yes Lord
G – wonder and awe
B – Yes Lord.
G – I want you to be full of awe and wonder – declaring the truth from the heavenlies.
B – Yes Lord. I am feeling (hearing God saying) more of me and less you – I want more of you – help me to succumb – show me –
G – Let’s settle some things –
I want your wonder and awe on me –
I want you settled with the places you have been, the people, the circumstances – I want to shift from display and displeasure to pleasure and play.
B – ok Lord –
G – I want you to have fun. I want you to be in joy. I want your wonder on where you are, not where you’ve been. I want your whole heart.
B – Yes Lord.
G – kindness, tranquility, restfulness, kindness, love, gentleness, quiet, peacefulness. Let’s clean, cook, do the things list and watch and see what I do – watch for me and see –
B – I expected to be writing while they were gone – (I had a rare weekend alone)
G – you were.
B – I was, but I expected typing.
G – You will
B – the journals? What?
G – I will lead – you rest. Ok to stack and flat – I’ll show you – it’s not today –
B – Part of me feels like it was an exercise of trust to dig and read and note and I got blessed – seeing and hearing the 11 years ago 44-year-old Beth – struggles and trust and loving and hurt and walking with you –
G – Diving in – it’s where I want you – diving into your day with me – I want you without agenda – without shoulds –
B – That feels hard – I want to be without shoulds.
G – What do you need? What do you want?
B – hmm – I feel like I need a nap LOL (it’s 9am)
Psalm 44: 3 It was not by their sword that they won the land, nor did their arm bring them victory: it was your right hand, your arm, and the light of your face, for you loved them.
The 10-year reflection,
Realizing a lot, Lord, that I have come through and so thankful to be in new place, BUT also see some similar refrains, issues that are similar – Lord, keep showing me your places for change, not little, BIG – I want New and I am willing to go through the transition to it – to the promised land. No more wandering in the desert in ANY area – New – Free indeed. Yes Lord.
G – (time to go take a) walk
Excerpt from Truth In Hard Places