After some time visiting with a friend, I went to my journal to process some bits of our conversation together. I often reflect and invite the Lord in to bring clarity and truth.
Beth (B) – Feeling this percolating thought on self-sabotage. Knowing that nothing is new to you God and you have gone through everything that we have gone through. Also feeling that there is a window, a picture of you, God, displayed through this wife for this husband, that he needs to see to enable him to believe the truth about you. Sensing the lie that he believes is the same block in his relationship with both you and his wife. It is the same. It is big. It is important. And you are in the midst Lord. For your Glory.
So Lord, I pray your way, your words, your thoughts (for this wife). Holy Spirit, I invite you in Lord, for your glory Lord, Your way.
God (G) – Self –sabotage is not new to me.
B – Yes Lord
G – I have faced this lie, the lie that my sons and daughters need to be something to be loved. Need to act a certain way, do certain things. The enemy whispers, bellows, screams the lie, “You do not deserve”, and I sent my son to overcome the lie and still the lie persists. The truth is no one is worthy. No one can “do” perfect. No one. All fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). But I came to save, to overcome. So, if the lie is believed, it manifests itself in every area and the door to wounded, broken people full of shame, regret, knowing fully all their sin and believing the lies about what that says about them.
B – So Lord, your truth. Lord, let your truth invade. Self-sabotage is believing all the enemy’s lies are the truth; I don’t deserve my family, I don’t deserve my spouse, I don’t deserve love, I don’t deserve peace, I don’t deserve joy, I don’t deserve. And yes, that may be true without Jesus, but you, God, turned everything upside down when you sent your son. You said, Yes, You are worth everything and I want you to know it, once and for all. My love is unconditional because of Jesus. My love is for you because of Jesus. Jesus is the reason that the Truth is bigger than the lie. Jesus is the reason. I AM says I am enough, worthy, loved, brilliant, beautiful, valuable, priceless, worth everything and so many other amazing true things.
So Lord, what is your heart for her?
G – I have been burdened, heart broken, by the self sabotage. It’s exactly what I have dealt with through the ages. My kids, the ones I love, the ones that I created, the ones I long to have communion with, the ones I am in covenant with, my Israel, believe the lies of the enemy. They believe that their self-effort is my way. They believe that when their self-effort falls short that I am mad, unloving, scorning, and instead I sent my boy to gather all the self-sabotaging hearts back to me. All the less than, sin filled, unworthy, shamed, disgraced, depressed, discouraged, broken, angry, violent, deranged, demon possessed, wasting, prisoners and I unleashed heaven, my way, to gather them all back to me with forgiveness of sin, unity, relationship, unconditional love. But they were called to believe and in their unbelief, they remain captives of all the lies and all the consequences of those lies and I stand by in love, pleading ‘Come’
Isaiah 55:1-3 “Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David.”
Isaiah 61: 10-11 I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations.
I know.
I hurt.
And I AM.
Watch and see.
Be still and know I AM.
You are my beauty.
Be love, Be free, Be still.
The truth is the truth every time and I AM.
I will have my way.
You are a picture of me, of my heart. You are standing still, you are not moved, you are in covenant and you are believing my truth.
And do not underestimate how my way in you can move mountains.
Do not be swayed by the world’s ways but stand still. Be courageous and watch and see.
I AM
Love, forgive, smile, laugh, hug, kiss, be who I created you to be and watch and see I AM. You are important to me. My way in you is important to me. Watch and see.
Nonsense is nonsense. A lie is a lie. And the truth is the truth. Stay with me in the truth. Pray and stay with me. It is enough.
B – I also know that in this place of stand and be still, you are more than enough for her. That she is your “Yes” girl and her willingness to trust you in this and allow you to do whatever you need to do to capture her husband’s heart is worth everything – every thing that you are asking her to stand in.
(And to this wife) Papa God is well pleased. He is trusting you with this big deal search and rescue mission that he is doing, and you are equipped with everything you need in Him!
Romans 3:21-24 But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
This is the stark reality of the lie and the truth. This feels like the crux of the self-sabotage.
Excerpt from An Encourager’s Heart