When my boy was little, he listened to a lot of audio books. We read a lot and listened to a lot of stories. One day in a completely appropriate way, he declared, “I shan’t wonder.” Dave and I both looked at each other dumbfounded. Where did he hear that? After many weeks and maybe months, we were listening to a Mary Poppins audiobook and started giggling. Ahha! There it is! “Shan’t”, meaning shall not. He had heard it, understood it and used it perfectly appropriately.
I started thinking on you Lord. All the things you say about you and all the things I know about you, and I realized there are so many, many things I shan’t wonder. I shan’t wonder if you are faithful. You are every time. I realized when we moved to Colorado, we had felt we were coming to our promised land and yet all was not perfect: the job changes and financial mess, the babies, the hard stuff, the disappointments. And yet, you have been faithful. And yet, so many, many promises have been fulfilled.
It reminded me of our Arizona birding trip. Even though it felt like you made your way and the gift was from you, still we had unexpected expenses, delays, inconveniences and yet we can see you were faithful. In every situation we had your protection. At every turn, we saw circumstances shift in ways that only you could line up. So even though a pain, inconveniences, stressful, still we were never stuck, never beaten, never left, and still able to do amazing things and have an amazing trip.
I realized I expect “promised land” to look a certain way. I expected our trip with provision and incredible open doors from you to look a certain way. And what? It’s still true you are faithful. It’s still true you never leave me nor forsake me. It’s still true you give me the desires of my heart. It’s still true. And so, I am lodged firmly in this place. I shan’t wonder.
I no longer measure. I am certain of you. I am certain of your goodness and your mercy and your grace and your provision and your faithfulness and I am not moved by the nonsense. The enemy thinks that he can dislodge me but instead, by your grace, I am firmly lodged in you and the truth about you and who you are. You are for me and not against me. You love me. And no matter what the circumstances look like, I am resting in you Lord. You. You always come through for me. It is often in unexpected ways. It often looks different than I expect. It is surprising and complex and ridiculously simple. It is all these things.
You, Creator, God Almighty, will not be mocked. You say you love me, and you do. In your wild, wonderful, beautiful way and you are so creative it can look different and unique and similar and the same. You are without formula and yet every time, in every situation, you are faithful. You always come through for me. Thank you.
Thank you for that one thing I know, I shan’t wonder. Always and forever in every situation and circumstance, I know I am safe with you. My ideas and plans may get turned upside down and yet I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Every Single Time. Thank you, Lord. No matter what, I know you are good, and you love me. Thank you.
Excerpt from Truth In Hard Places