The time flees and we wait and wait and wait, for what? For change, shift, solution, resolution, breakthrough, new and it seems to be more distant than ever. The times we thought shift, to be disappointed again. The haunts of past, the haunts of present, wasted time, God it is not true. I need your truth. I need you to show up in a big way and shake the rug and flip all the dust out and do it Lord. Get this ship righted. It is beyond what I can think and do. I can’t even see a way. I am in fear of hope. It is messy and ugly and mean and angry and the disillusion, the confusion, the anger, sick and insidious, the happy face, crazy inside, messy, messy, messy. Ok Lord, help me be – still – heading to eat and read and be still. Help me Lord. I want you. Your love, peace, joy, fullness, overflowing hope, faith. Yes Lord. Your way Lord. Whatever it takes, your way. Surprise me again Lord. It feels flat as I write. It is heartbreaking to hope without emotion, the trauma of the continuing angst is wearing me out. I feel low. I feel lost. I feel and I don’t like it. I don’t want to feel. Yuck. Stopping here.
God (G) – Marvel
Beth (B) – What?
G – Marvel. Marvel.
B – Ok Lord. What does that look like?
G – Focus on how marvelous I am.
B – Ok. You are marvelous Lord. You are amazing. You bring awe in all that you touch. You are big, powerful, mighty, redeemer, repairer, replenisher, reigniter, re – you are.
G – I am.
B – How does this help me?
G – Marvel.
B – Ok.
G – Choose to see me in every little bit of this day and watch and see what I do. It is not what you think but it is really big and you will marvel when you choose to see me in every bit.
B – Oh God, help me to keep my eyes on you. I breathe and know it is you. Your peace, your gentleness, your flavor. No incrimination. No deception. No deceit. No anything but love.
G – The trauma is not from me, it is your heart shaking. It is rough and awful but do not be swayed. Keep your heart firmly on the rock of truth and do not allow the enemy to tempt you off.
B – I see crumbs to get me to venture off the rock and I hurry back but the damage is done. The wicked awfulness of being off the rock is shocking. It hurts my heart, and I don’t like it.
G – Stay. Stay with me. It is the safest place and there is nothing you need that I don’t have. All is in me. All. Every need is met, exceedingly, abundantly and I will wage war on him who has tried to deceive. The deception is finished. Stay with me and marvel. The crumb is nothing. It is never worth the price of venturing off the rock, in every area – in circumstances, in thoughts, in actions, in hopes, dreams, plans. It is always worth staying on the rock. The crumb is the bait. Come away, venture out, do this, on your own, leave the rock, you are stuck, what is the point, why wallow there when all around you flourishes, come and it is all nothing.
Excerpt from Truth In Hard Places