Hebrews 5:7-8 During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent obedience from what he suffered.
Beth (B) – Sitting in the sun (son) room and crying – repenting anything I’ve done, known or unknown, to extend this and begging God to end this – hearing “Little one” but doubting – so much noise in my head.
Fear of what exactly? Fear that what God has been saying won’t be manifest the way I am envisioning. We think from your words that we are to trust and be still, not to worry, that you have this all in control. I have fought flesh, rather ridiculously easy. (Ranting on list of needs and wants) I want, I want, I want. I am just feeling done.
I also know I won’t give up short of your glory because my heart so wants what you want. I want your character and patience and I won’t grow faint or weary and give up – but God, end it now. I don’t want this anymore. I have laid myself bare to you, and to family and friends that had capacity to handle, and I am tired of it, and I want different NOW. I want what you say is true now. I want your promises now. I don’t want this anymore. I am proud of us. I am certain that we have heard you and we are in your hand, but Lord, help me in my unbelief and my flesh and heart want it to feel better. I think and know you are a good daddy, and it does not match your character to leave us now.
Then I wonder about who you are using and what delay or doubt or fear may be showing and pray for them to be able to trust you to their best so you can reveal your best. God, please move now! I feel ranty and not pretty, but I am having trouble standing on this shaking ground.The only way I can do it is to hang on to you, but I am also feeling unsure – Lord, I believe but please, please help me in my unbelief. I can’t stand this. It’s hard. I want to hear you but there is so much I am feeling. I am not sure if your voice or mine. Please Lord, show me your glory. Ranting – I am
God (G) – Tucked in right where I want you. Stay here. It is going to be ok. I will not leave you nor forsake you, really, truly.
B – I don’t know Lord, your voice – I am scared. Please be clear and help me, Lord.
G – The wind is whipping. I will not leave you. I am there in the wind. I am with you. You are not alone, and I will not be mocked.
B – It’s all I have, that if we go down in a mess, all you have said and done, it looks like a pile of lies and that is not your way. You have to come through to be true and this has been on display for many believers and unbelievers. It’s a big deal, not just to me personally, but it seems like a big deal to show you – your character, your promises are good, your words are true, what we have heard has really been you and not us, that all this IS NOT WASTED.
G – That is true.
Excerpt from Truth In Hard Places